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Music now playing Somewhere over the rainbow




In Loving Memory of Our


Dear Son Chris



In tears I saw you sinking,
I watched you fade away.
You suffered much in silence,
you fought so hard to stay.
You faced your task with courage.
Your spirit did not bend,
and still you kept on fighting until the very end.
God saw you getting tired.
When a cure was not to be.
So he put his arms around you and whispered "come to me".
So when I saw you sleeping So peaceful, free from pain.
I could not wish you back
to suffer that again.




Look, I'm not your friend. I'm your Mother.

I am the only Mother you will ever have.

My job is very different from, and way beyond, the job of being your friend.

Also, this is not a democracy.

I didn't campaign for you to elect me. You certainly didn't vote for me.

But, God did choose me for this job. 

If you could realize how much I love you, (I hope that deep down you know I do)

Then it would be easier for you to take my discipline because it is an extension of my love. 

I, as your parent, have a tremendous responsibility.

I am the one who God trusted to introduce you to this world.

It is my job to guide you to the road that will take you to a good life.

You may question my intelligence, my logic, or even my sanity, but you cannot question my intent. 

This is not an easy job! (One that you won't truly understand until you have kids of your own!)

The one thing I want you to get from all this is... I love you so much that I am willing to sacrifice your love for me in order to put you on the right road.

If you still love me, that's wonderful.

But that's not as important as the fact that I love you! 



Chris My Son,


Sadness is a vein that runs through my heart

The pain remains when we’re apart

No voice I hear but pain I feel

Your loss is too great for me to bear


The death of my child

Is a tear in my heart

I will never again hold you in my arms

Nor see your smiling face


The death of my child leaves me hollow inside

Your voice your smile

Your laughter I will never hear


I only have memories of you

Until we meet again my son

I will mourn your loss to eternity for you and me





 My biggest fear was to lose my son,

now I’ve lost him my fear has gone.

There’s nothing left for me to fear,

I’ve lost the one I held so dear.


The worst is over, the horror is past,

The thing I feared most has happened at last,

No more do I worry, no more do I care,

nothing can hurt when a heart isn’t there.


I’ve been through hell and survived somehow,

nothing else can touch me now,

there’s nothing to fear of life to come,

I lost it all when I lost my son

Please Be Gentle

By Jill B. Englar

Please be gentle with me for I am grieving.

The sea I swim in is a lonely one

and the shore seems miles away.

Waves of despair numb my soul

as I struggle through each day.

My heart is heavy with sorrow.

I want to shout and scream

and repeatedly ask “why.”

At time, my grief overwhelms me

and I weep bitterly,

so great is my loss.

Please don’t turn away

Or tell me to move on with my life.

I must embrace my pain

before I can begin to heal.

Companion me through tears

And sit with me in loving silence.

Honor where I am in my journey

Not where you think I should be.

Listen patiently to my story.

I may need to tell it over and over again.

It’s how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss.

Nurture me through weeks and months ahead.

Forgive me when I seem distant and inconsolable.

A small flame still burns within my heart

And shared memories may trigger

both laughter and tears.

I need your support and understanding.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

I must find my own path.

Please, will you walk beside me?

Reprinted with permission of the author.

About the Author

Jill Englar is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with

Carroll Hospice, Inc. in Westminster, Maryland. She can


I thought that time was healing 
All the hurt you left behind 
That empty spaces could be filled 
My arms, my heart, my mind 
And though my body looks the same 
As it did when you were here 
The emptiness is growing 
Even bigger with each year 
I thought that time was healing 
All the agonising pain 
That as the tears were fading 
Soon I wouldn't feel the same 
And though I can be smiling 
And you think that I'll survive 
The pain is in my blood now 
I have nowhere else to hide 
I thought that time was healing 
All the loss a mother feels 
That now you live within my heart 
I had you near me still 
But I need so much to touch you 
To see you smile again 
And those memories I'm told are mine 
Can never feel the same 
I thought that time was healing 
All the while the mask was worn 
That underneath a new me 
Was waiting to be born 
But now I find I am the mask 
It helps to keep me safe 
And though my heart is breaking 
You won't see it in my face 
I thought that time was healing 
All those tears my eyes have seen 
That aching arms that miss you 
Could be satisfied with dreams 
But here I am, in pain again 
And healing stands alone 
And mother weeps, the world can see 
For a son who can't come home 
 by Sue White


Those we love remain with

us, for love itself lives on.

And cherished memories

never fade because a

loved one’s gone.


Those we love can never

be more than a thought apart.

For as long as there

is memory they’ll

live on in the


You'll Never Walk Alone


When you walk through a storm,
Hold your head up high,
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At the end of a storm,
There's a golden sky,
And the sweet silver song of a lark.
Walk on through the wind, Walk on through the rain,
Though your dreams be tossed and blown..

Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart,
And you'll never walk alone.......
You'll never walk alone.

Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart,
And you'll never walk alone.......
You'll never walk alone.


How very special you are 

by: Collin McCarty

Your presence is a present to the world.

You're unique and one of a kind.

Your life can be what you want it to be.

Take the days just one at a time.

Count your blessings, not your troubles.

You'll make it through whatever comes along.

Within you are so many answers. Understand, have courage, be strong.

Don't put limits on yourself.

So many dreams are waiting to be realized.

Decisions are too important to leave to chance.

Reach for your peak, your goal, your prize.

Nothing wastes more energy than worrying.

The longer one carries a problem, the heavier it gets.

Don't take things too seriously. Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.

Remember that a little love goes a long way Remember that a lot...goes forever.

Remember that friendship is a wise investment.

Life's treasures are people...together. Realize that it's never too late.

Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.

Have health and hope and happiness.

Take time to wish upon a star.

And don't ever forget...for even a day...

how very special you are


Death is Nothing at all

candle animated

Death is nothing at all...
I have only slipped away to the next room...
I am I and you are you...
Whatever we were to each, that we are still.

Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak it to me in the same way you always used.
Put no difference into your tone,
Wear no false air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect, without the ghost of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident.

I am but waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner.
All is well.

Henry Scott Holland 1847 - 1918
Canon of St Paul's, London

Remember ME

To the living, I am gone.
To the sorrowful, I will never return.
To the angry, I was cheated.
To the happy, I am at peace.
To the faithful, I have never left.
I cannot speak, but I can listen.
I cannot be seen but I can be heard.
So as you look in awe at a mighty forest and its grand majesty,
Remember me.
Remember me in your heart, your thoughts, and your memories.
Of the times we cried, the times we fought, and the times we laughed.
For if you always think of me, I will never have gone.



“I Had A Dream”


One night I dreamed a dream.
I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets
of footprints in the sand,
one belonging to me
and one to my Lord.
When the last scene of my life shot before me
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
There was only one set of footprints.
I realized that this was at the lowest
and saddest times of my life.
This always bothered me
and I questioned the Lord
about my dilemma.
“Lord, you told me when I decided to follow You,
You would walk and talk with me all the way.
But I’m aware that during the most troublesome
times of my life there is only one set of footprints.
I just don’t understand why, when I needed You most,
You leave me.”
He whispered, “My precious child,
I love you and will never leave you
never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints
it was then that I carried you.”34


When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me:

I wish you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too:

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand.

And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,

He said, "This is eternity.
And all I've promised you.
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew."

"I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past."

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

Author Unknown


WHY? ~~~~
Perhaps one day we’ll understand
Why God decided to take your hand
And lead you into Heaven above
surrounded by his tender love.

Never does a day pass by
that we don’t ask the question why?
Why did God take our precious son?
Was it something we had done?

We hope to face the Lord one day
and ask him why you couldn’t stay
on earth with those who loved you so,
those who wanted to see you grow.

We mourn for the things that will not be,
for the things with you, we'll never see.
the fun and games we'll never share,
for special times when you won't be there

No more to see your smiling face,
Nothing will ever take its place,
In our hearts you will always stay,
While we await that 'One Sweet Day'.

That 'One Sweet Day' in Heaven above,
Where we will meet and affirm our love.
Once more our arms will hold you tight,
As in God's presence we'll reunite.

Until that day, we must live our lives
Ensuring each memory of you survives,
And feel your presence, ever near,
each time we shed each painful tear.

"See you in Heaven", you'll hear us say,
as you watch over us every day,
Then when our lives on earth are done
We know you'll be the one to come.

You'll take us gently by the hand,
and lead us to God's Heavenly land,
where all together we will be,
our, once more, happy family.

                                                  Written by Bea Brunton
                                      November 1998

Men Do Cry

I heard quite often "men don't cry"
though no one ever told me why
So when I fell and skinned a knee,
no one came by to comfort me.
And when some bully-boy at school
would pull a prank so mean and cruel
I'd quickly learn to turn and quip,
"It doesn't hurt," and bite my lip.
So as I grew to reasoned years,
I learned to stifle my tears.
Though "Be a big boy" it began,
quite soon I learned to "Be a man."
And I could play that stoic role
while storm and tempest wracked my soul.
No pain or setback could there be
could wrest one single tear from me.
Then one long night I stood nearby
and helplessly watched my son die.
And quickly found, to my surprise,
that all that tearless talk was lies.
And still I cry, and have no shame,
I can not play that "big boy" game.
And openly, without remorse,
I let my sorrow take its course.
So those of you who can't abide
a man you've seen who's often cried,
reach out to him with all your heart
as one whose life's been torn apart.
For men do cry when they can see
their loss of immortality.
And tears will come in endless streams
when mindless fate destroys their dreams

                                                 By Ken Falk

A Child Loaned

"I'll lend you for a little time
A child of Mine," He said,
"For you to love the while he lives,
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years
Or twenty-two or three,
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care of him for Me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
And should his stay be brief,
You'll have his lovely memories
As solace for your grief."

"I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.
I've looked this wide world over,
In my search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Not think the labor vain,
Nor hate Me when I come to call
And take him back again?"

I fancied that I heard them say,
"Dear Lord, Thy will be done,
For all the joy Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him,
Much sooner than we planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand."



 If Roses grow in Heaven,

Lord please pick a bunch for me,

Place them in my Mother's arms

and tell her they're from me.

Tell her I love her and miss her,

and when she turns to smile,

place a kiss upon her cheek

and hold her for awhile.

Because remembering her is easy,

I do it every day,

but there's an ache within my heart

that will never go away.



"A butterfly lights beside us, like a sunbeam...

and for a brief moment it's glory

and beauty belong to our world...

but then it flies on again, and although

we wish it could have stayed,

we are so thankful to have seen it at all."


To My Dear Family

Some things I'd like to say,

But first of all to let you know

That I arrived okay.

I'm writing this from Heaven

Where I dwell with God above,

Where there's no more tears or sadness

There is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy

Just because I'm out of sight,

Remember that I'm with you

Every morning, noon and night.

That day I had to leave you

When my life on Earth was through,

God picked me up and hugged me

And He said I welcome you.

It's good to have you back again

You were missed while you were gone,

As for your dearest family

They'll be here later on.

I need you here so badly

As part of My big plan,

There's so much that we have to do

To help our mortal man.

Then God gave me a list of things

He wished for me to do,

And foremost on that list of mine

Is to watch and care for you.

And I will be beside you

Every day and week and year,

And when you're sad I'm standing there

To wipe away the tear.

And when you lie in bed at night

The days chores put to flight,

God and I are closest to you

In the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on Earth

And all those loving years,

Because you're only human

They are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry

It does relieve the pain,

Remember there would be no flowers

Unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you

Of all that God has planned,

But if I were to tell you

You wouldn't understand.

But one thing is for certain

Though my life on Earth is o're,

I am closer to you now

Than I ever was before.

And to my very many friends

Trust God knows what is best,

I'm still not far away from you

I'm just beyond the crest.

There are rocky roads ahead of you

And many hills to climb,

But together we can do it

Taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy

And I'd like it for you, too,

That as you give unto the world

So the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody

Who is in sorrow or in pain,

Then you can say to God at night

My day was not in vain.

And now I am contented

That my life it was worthwhile,

Knowing as I passed along the way

I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody

Who is down and feeling low,

Just lend a hand to pick him up

As on your way you go.

When you are walking down the street

And you've got me on your mind,

I'm walking in your footsteps

Only half a step behind.

And when you feel the gentle breeze

Or the wind upon your face,

That's me giving you a great big hug

Or just a soft embrace.

And when it's time for you to go

From that body to be free,

Remember you're not going

You are coming here to me.

And I will always love you

From that land way up above,

Will be in touch again soon

P.S. God sends his love.

My Son

In a son's dreams, a Fathers hope
In a son's accomplishments, a Fathers pride.
In a son's happiness, a Fathers joy
In a son's death, a Fathers eternal sorrow.....


Letter to my Child

Thank you for the love you gave,

And all the joy you brought,

For all the times when you were small

And filled each waking thought.

For all the laughter, smiles and tears,

The studying and stress,

The memory of muddy boots

And that special party dress!


The days the house filled up with friends

I never knew each name,

The growing up, the leaving home,

How quiet life became.

The letters, cards and photographs

Each play their special part,

But thanks for the love we shared,

Still growing in my heart.

                                                                      Iris Hesselden

Ask Me

Not, how did he die, but how did he live?

Not, what did he gain, but what did he give?

These are the units to measure the worth

Of a man as a man, regardless of birth.

Not what was his church, nor what was his creed

But had he befriended those really in need?

Was he ever ready, with the word of good cheer

To bring back a smile, to banish your tears?



I Wish You

When you're lonely,

I wish you love.

When you're down,

I wish you joy.

When you're troubled,

I wish you peace.

When things are complicated,

I wish you simple beauty.

When things look empty,

I wish you hope.




Why must I grieve silently,
When my heart is so loudly screaming?
The emptiness I feel is consuming me,
Oh God, how I wish I were dreaming.
The silence around me is deafening,
For nobody knows what to say,
To comfort this agony I'm feeling,
Since my son went away.
And each day the sun continues to rise,
And the earth is still turning,
Though my world has come to a screeching halt,
No one can ease my yearning.
For a part of me has vanished,
And a part of my heart has died,
And no one can hear my heartache,
Or feel the turmoil I carry inside.
And I'll go on grieving silently,
And exist on a different plane,
And I'll keep my love for him deep in my heart,
Until we see each other again.


When No Words Seem Appropriate

I won't say, "I know how you feel" -
because I don't.
I've lost parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends,
but I've never lost a child.
So how can I say I know how you feel?

I won't say, "You'll get over it" -
because you won't.
Life will have to go on.
The washing, cooking, cleaning, the common routine.
These chores will take your mind off your loved one,
but the hurt will still be there.

I won't say, "Your other children will be a comfort to you" -
because they may not be.
Many mothers I've talked to say that after they have lost a child,
they easily lose their temper with their remaining children.
Some even feel resentful that they're alive and healthy
when the other child is not.

I won't say, "Never mind, you're young enough to have another baby" -
because that won't help.
A new baby cannot replace the one that you've lost.
A new baby will fill your hours, keep you busy,
give you sleepless nights.
But it will not replace the one you've lost.

You may hear all these platitudes from your friends and relatives.
They think they are helping.
They don't know what else to say.
You will find out who your true friends are at this time.
Many will avoid you because they can't face you.
Others will talk about the weather,
the holidays and the school concert
but never about how you're coping.

So what will I say?

I will say, "I'm here. I care. Anytime. Anywhere."
I will talk about your loved one.
We'll laugh about the good memories.
I won't mind how long you grieve.
I won't tell you to pull yourself together.
No, I don't know how you feel - but with sharing,
perhaps I will learn a little of what you are going through.
And perhaps you'll feel comfortable with me
and find your burden has eased. Try me.

The Book Of My Life by: Sting

Let me watch by the fire and remember my days
And it may be a trick of the firelight
But the flickering pages that trouble my sight
Is a book I'm afraid to write

It's the book of my days, it's the book of my life
And it's cut like a fruit on the blade of a knife
And it's all there to see as the section reveals
There's some sorrow in every life

If it reads like a puzzle, a wandering maze
Then I won't understand 'til the end of my days
I'm still forced to remember,
Remember the words of my life

There are promises broken and promises kept
Angry words that were spoken, when I should have wept
There's a chapter of secrets, and words to confess
If I lose everything that I possess
There's a chapter on loss and a ghost who won't die
There's a chapter on love where the ink's never dry
There are sentences served in a prison I built out of lies.

Though the pages are numbered
I can't see where they lead
For the end is a mystery no-one can read
In the book of my life

There's a chapter on fathers a chapter on sons
There are pages of conflicts that nobody won
And the battles you lost and your bitter defeat,
There's a page where we fail to meet

There are tales of good fortune that couldn't be planned
There's a chapter on god that I don't understand
There's a promise of Heaven and Hell but I'm damned if I see

Though the pages are numbered
I can't see where they lead
For the end is a mystery no-one can read
In the book of my life

Now the daylight's returning
And if one sentence is true
All these pages are burning
And all that's left is you

Though the pages are numbered
I can't see where they lead
For the end is a mystery no-one can read
In the book of my life

Whenever I Say Your Name by: Sting

Whenever I say your name, whenever I call to mind your face
Whatever bread's in my mouth, whatever the sweetest wine that I taste
Whenever your memory feeds my soul, whatever got broken becomes whole
Whenever I'm filled with doubts that we will be together

Wherever I lay me down, wherever I put my head to sleep
Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I got to lie awake and weep
Whenever I kneel to pray, whenever I need to find a way
I'm calling out your name

Whenever those dark clouds hide the moon
Whenever this world has gotten so strange
I know that something's gonna change
Something's gonna change

Whenever I say your name, Whenever I say your name, I'm already praying, I'm already praying
I'm already filled with a joy that I can't explain
Wherever I lay me down, wherever I rest my weary head to sleep
Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I got to lie awake and weep
Whenever I'm on the floor
Whatever it was that I believed before
Whenever I say your name, whenever I say it loud, I'm already praying

Whenever this world has got me down, whenever I shed a tear
Whenever the TV makes me mad, whenever I'm paralyzed with fear
Whenever those dark clouds fill the sky, whenever I lose the reason why
Whenever I'm filled with doubts that we will be together

Whenever the sun refuse to shine, whenever the skies are pouring rain
Whatever I lost I thought was mine whenever I close my eyes in pain
Whenever I kneel to pray, whenever I need to find a way
I'm calling out your name

Whenever this dark begins to fall
Whenever I'm vulnerable and small
Whenever I feel like I could die
Whenever I'm holding back the tears that I cry

Whenever I say your name, whenever I call to mind your face
I'm already praying
Whatever bread's in my mouth, whatever the sweetest wine that I taste
Wherever I lay me down, wherever I rest my weary head to sleep
Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I'm forced to lie awake and have to weep
Whenever I'm on the floor
Whatever it was that I believed before
Whenever I say your name, whenever I say it loud, I'm already praying

Whenever I say your name,
No matter how long it takes,
One day we'll be together

Whenever I say your name,
let there be no mistake
that day will last forever


Goodbye by: Lionel Richie

I wanted you for life
You and me
In the wind
I never thought there come a time
That our story would end
It's hard to understand
But I guess I'll have to try
It's not easy
To say goodbye.

For all the joy we shared
All that time we had to spend
Now if I had one wish
I'd want forever back again
To look into your eyes
And hold you when you cry
It's not easy
To say goodbye

I can remember all those great times we had
There were so many memories, some good some bad
Yes and through it all
Those memories will last

There's peace in where you are
May be all I need to know
And if I listen to my heart
I'll hear your laughter once more
And so I got to say
I'm just glad you came my way
It's not easy to say



With Hope

 This Steven Curtis Chapman song says a lot of how we feel.

This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you've gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but...

We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope
(There's a place by God's grace)
There's a place where we'll see your face again
We'll see your face again

And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God's plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father's smile and say well done
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
'Cause now you're home
And now you're free, and...

We have this hope as an anchor
'Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so...

We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope


We Remember Them

At the rising of the sun and its going down,
we remember them.

At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter,
we remember them.

At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring,
we remember them.

At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer,
we remember them.

At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn,
we remember them.

At the beginning of the year and when it ends,
we remember them.

As long as we live, they too will live;
for they are now a part of us, as we remember them.

When we are weary and in need of strength,
we remember them.

When we are lost and sick at heart,
we remember them.

When we have joy we crave to share,
we remember them.

When we have decisions that are difficult to make,
we remember them.

When we have achievements that are based on theirs,
we remember them.

As long as we live, they, too, will live;
for they are now a part of us, as we remember them.